I had this fantasy idea about he process of preparing for marriage. I was gonna partner with God on things I need to get in order. You know work on my debts, start saving a bit more, praying more fervently for my future husband and family, etc. Then God would see my work in conjunction with my faith and he would reveal me to my husband. All would be so perfect and flowing.
I’m sure God had a hearty laugh because reality quickly set in that my plan certainly was not God’s plan. I am praying for my future husband and family. I am working on my debts and savings. But the Lord has been bubbling up to the surface some character issues I really wasn’t trying to deal with. You know like the pile of papers you just stuff in a box somewhere and say “I’ll get to it later”. Well, this was God telling me now is later. He’s even resurfaced somethings I thought we handled already. Things like my impatience, unforgiveness, lack of effective communication and some selfishness. Seriously God? We uprooted these trees sometime ago. Or so I thought. This certainly was not apart of my plan at all.
I kinda felt blindsided a bit. I mean, yes I have been praying for God to prepare me for marriage but my goodness. I wasn’t prepared to have to deal with some of these issues…..again. As I was complaining about this preparation which I asked for, God began to show me a caterpillar’s process into becoming a butterfly. Okay God, no disrespect at all but I kinda learned about this process when I was like 5 or 6 years old. Turns out there’s more to it.
The becoming of a butterfly is the sucky part we kinda brush past. Having to go into such a small, tight, dark place and then being renewed, transformed – literally reconstructed is not so fun. WE DON’T OFTEN THINK ABOUT THE GROWING PAINS OF BECOMING! The caterpillar was always meant to become a butterfly or moth. But it has to endure the process to get there. I believe that I am meant to be a wife and mother. However this cocoon is not what I envisioned.
Pastor John Gray recently shared a message where he pointed out in Proverbs 18:22 – He that finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord. He that FINDS A WIFE, that is the key phrase. Meaning that as the woman I am already A wife by my character. When he finds me and marries me, I become HIS wife. Now, the caterpillar by nature is an undeveloped butterfly. It is the process that morphs it and reveals its full potential. Just like the process we go through with God morphs and reveals our wife characteristics in its full potential.
Right now, we are caterpillars who know we are meant to be more but we have to trust the cocoon or chrysalis process. Did you know that inside the chrysalis the caterpillar or larva’s old body dies and a new body forms? And this happens inside of the protective shell. Sounds a bit familiar right? Similarly in the process of becoming a wife, we die to our old selves ( the selfish, mean, unforgiving, impatient selves). We are made a new looking more like Christ. And this so happens to occur inside the protective shell of singleness in God. In other words as we are hidden in God. (No wonder our DMs, Txt Msgs, etc are dry) We’re in the chrysalis of the Almighty and being reconstructed into a wife.
Something interesting about the cocoon process is that once the caterpillar goes into the cocoon the juvenile hormone dies out first. This allows for the cells to mature and transform. Literally the juvenile hormone is what keeps a caterpillar a larva. Once that factor is gone, the metamorphosis begins. An immature woman cannot even enter into the hidden place of God to be transformed. Now, I know what you’re thinking – unbelievers get married all the time. Yes, you’re right but their marriages often come with added struggle of women going through the cocoon stage IN marriage. Putting additional stresses on the marriage. No wonder more than half of all marriages at least in the U.S.A end in divorce. Can you imagine being in your cocoon then having your husband interrupting with his request and needs? Oh, and then kids too? What could have taken a season ends up being 3 or 4 seasons long.
I thank God for revealing this to me. I’m down for dealing with all of my character flaws now. After learning this process, I’m down for transformation in my single season because I know the end result will be beautiful and prepared for the next season. Essentially, my prayers are being answered. Not exactly how I pictured it but in the perfect way God intended it. See you ladies in the air, flapping our beautiful colored wings. Trusting the metamorphosis in the chrysalis.
Love Ya to Peace,