Hey Guys! It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog. So I figured today would be a great day to “come back” and fill you guys in a bit on whats been going on.
Well, I’ve been busy. Super busy. Busier than I would like to me. In fact, I’ve been so busy that I’ve actually started to fall apart. Yup, that’s right. I’m all messed up. I haven’t been reading, meditating on the Word. I haven’t actually spent devoted time with God. And I feel it. Intensely! I can sense the void in my heart. I feel so weak and restless. I’m not fully at peace. I know what you’re thinking. Then get back on track. Well, it turns out it’s not that easy.
I’ve somehow become accustom to “doing” for God, instead of just BEING with God. I’ve been chugging along “doing” everything “for God”. As if to win his approval. I know it’s super silly of me to think that way. But this is my reality. It’s my daily struggle to remember that God already sent Christ to DO all that needed to be done. And since I’ve accepted to follow Christ there really isn’t much else that needs to be DONE- as far as getting to the Father is concerned. I have been praying to God to help get me realigned. But I can’t hear him. These past few weeks have been rough to say the least. I feel like I’ve fallen out with my best friend and literally my spirit hurts. Usually I’m the strong one with all of the answers. I have the scripture and can break it down so everyone can understand. But I find myself in a valley. I’m not so afraid of things or people because I know even here in this low place, God is covering me and protecting me. His love doesn’t end because I’m not in a high place. In fact, he continues to send me little bits of encouragement- through friends, family, etc. But this valley makes it difficult for me to directly hear, see, feel God.
You know, I guess this valley is teaching me something about walking by faith. Because frankly, I don’t have a clue what’s next and I can’t even hear the GPS ( that’s God) to know where to move next. But I have to keep going because well; I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:14 Faith is all I got. It’s the only thing I can really hold on to. Faith that everything I learned in the last season is true and will keep me going. Faith that God will fulfill all that he said he would.
I just want the fire back. The zeal for God’s Word- His Spirit. Man! God’s presence is so awesome. Right now, it’s like I’m moving in slow motion. One step seems like years. Truth be told it’s often in these valleys that most people slip up and head back towards the “comfort” of sin. And I do feel the urge to listen to music I know is not helpful to my walk with Christ. I’ve gotten more invites to parties during the past few weeks than every before. (Parties that I know nothing will be glorifying to God) I’m trying to push beyond the temptations- one foot step after another. I’m running on fumes ya’ll… prayers of others to keep me going right now. ( Hence, why it is vital to pray for all Christians around the world. You never will know the true power of your prayers for others.)
Guys, this is my naked truth. I’m trying to keep holding on. Keep me in your prayers!
Love Ya to Peace,