If you do not forgive, then the heavenly Father will not forgive you. – Matthew 6:15
How? How can I forgive someone who is not sorry for what they have said or done? How can I come to love someone who has purposely chosen to hurt me? Why do I even need to? I’m the victim.
It’s no secret that I had been battling forgiveness for my ex for quite sometime now. I’ve gone from “praying” for him to complete ignoring his existence to pleading with God to “get him back”. For the longest time, as God would place it on my heart to forgive him, I would argue back. But he’s not even sorry! He doesn’t deserve forgiveness or even happiness for that matter. But God continued to press the issue in my heart. I would then “comply and pray” i put quotations because although the words came out of my mouth, they were nowhere near my heart.” However, the Holy Spirit checked me on that and I got upset with God. I wanted God to get him back. I mean I even used scripture to justify why rather than forgiveness he should get payback.
After feuding with God for a couple weeks, God began to nudge me again on it. This time with reinforcement. Every devotion, every fellowship meeting, prayer time, song, even TV shows… same theme- FORGIVENESS. I began to pray as ask God- How? How do I forgive?
I believe many times we want to be in obedience to God and forgive, but we have no clue how or where to begin. The enemy then uses this as an opportunity to keep us in sin which causes distance from God. At this point you’re not obeying God, you’re growing bitter in your heart, you’re carrying this load of hurt, you can’t move forward AND you block your blessings that God has in store for you. You see forgiveness is personal. It has everything to do with you and God. The enemy likes to trick us and make us believe that it’s all about the person who has offended us but NOPE it’s not.
Another thing- specifically for my situation. I realized that my ex was keeping me from my purpose. Even though I left, not forgiving him was still keeping me from progressing in my purpose. I still had this baggage I was lugging around and that slowed me down. Again, the unforgiveness affected me more than anything else.
The turnaround is actually sitting before God and asking him flat out. How do I forgive without getting the I’m sorry? For me the answer was praying for him. But I’m like, I did that already. However God asked me to truly intercede for him. Be the bridge in the gap for him. And so I began to pray for him. I prayed in every area I knew he struggled in. I prayed for his new wife and their marriage. As I was praying for him, the Holy Spirit opened my understanding to see that they way I went hard for them in prayer to God is the way Jesus Christ goes hard for me in petitions to the Father. That in praying for one who has transgressed against me I was truly being a reflection of Christ who does the same for me. DO YOU GUYS SEE NOW?!! ISN’T THIS MIND BLOWING??!!
We sin against God daily. And many rarely say “I’m Sorry” or repent. But Jesus in his love and goodness offers us forgiveness anyway and in fact intercedes for us daily. (Romans 8: 34 & Hebrews 7: 25)
Now, God may ask you to do more than just pray. He may even ask you to do something kind for that person or to defend that person etc. But whatever it is that God asks you to do as a part of your forgiveness process, do it because Christ does it for you too. Trust and believe when I tell you, it’s hard to remember all that they have done or said and then forgive them. It’s enough to break your heart. But even then, God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Keep your eyes focused on him and not the distractions of this world. And that is just what unforgiveness is- a distraction from God and his will for your life.
Love Ya’ll to Peace,