I realize that I have not posted any real personal updates in a while. So here it goes. I’ll try my best to break it down into categories.
Well, I moved and I love it! Nothing wrong with my family, I love them dearly. I just needed more space ( Shoe Shopping Addiction..lol) It’s been fun decorating and cooking more ( getting my skills up in preparation for my husband and children). The only part I don’t like is paying rent..lol. But all is well here. Speaking of husbands and children.
Don’t get all hyped up yet! Still no relationship in sight ( remember this year is all about me and Jesus) I’m still praying on marriage, family and being prepared for that ministry. But it is no longer an idol to me. It’s a desire but not one that is so heavy on me anymore. I found that the more I seek God and purposely spend time with him (even when my flesh doesn’t want me too) it creates a desire in me to seek him more than anything. I’ll be pretty honest with you all. At this point in my life, I’ve very content with my relationship with God. I don’t really need much else. Of course everything isn’t perfect and there are moments where I wish I could physically hang out/ hug someone but it’s not overwhelming like it use to be. I’ll tell you what I did; I took a MUCH NEEDED BREAK from Social Media. I spent more time praying and reading and listening to the Word. I listened to worship music more. Something I’m still struggling a bit with but hopefully I get it together is- Being Still and Quiet before God. Truly listening for his guidance, conviction and wisdom.
Think of it like you’re actually spending time with someone, would you really just keep talking and talking never allowing the other person to answer/confirm, reject etc. That would be weird and RUDE!
So my relationship with God has grown and I’m thankful for that growth. However…
I realized that I’m now in a season of seclusion kind of. It’s not that I’m cutting people off, it’s just that I need time to allow God to sort things out in my life. I have so many bad habits and baggage that I’ve collected over the years especially from my last relationship. I also don’t necessarily want to invite or allow other people’s influences in my mind and heart. So to a lot of people it may seem that I’ve cut them off, but I pray they will understand that heck- I’m trying to understand where God is going with me. Now ya’ll know or at least now you will know that I am kinda sorta a control freak! I need to know every inch of facts to every part in my life. So right now, I’m totally in a new space of trusting God and going with his agenda for my life. This faith walk is really scary and rewarding at the same time.
I will say, I always knew I had some issues that would eventually need to be addressed. But truly allowing myself to be vulnerable and open to Christ has brought a HUGE MIRROR that I have been avoiding for quite sometime. And I’ve realized that I’m a bit more flawed than I thought. I’ll be transparent right now and say that one of the areas I’m struggling with is competitiveness– within the “church”. I find myself competing (in my head) with other Christian young ladies. Who’s more deep? Who is more Godly? Who has read more? Who understands scripture better? She thinks she’s all that because she can do this, well I can do that. etc. I never thought I was that kind of girl. SHOCK THE HELL (literally) OUT OF ME! Now, that Christ has shown me these things, he doesn’t make me feel bad but he starts to remove them from me. It’s difficult because my flesh, heart and mind are accustomed to thinking and feeling certain ways but Christ requires true love, kindness, patience, self control, gentleness etc from us if we are truly in him.
I’m noticing more Christ in me . ( Ima do my best not to cry writing this) But I’m so grateful to be able to see the mess I was/am and then to watch the transformation into looking/acting/speaking/being more Christ like. I use to be one of those people that looked at “Christians” like what are you talking about “look like Christ” or “be like Christ” that’s impossible. Then, I truly met him and he started to change me. Now, I’m the Christian talking about follow Jesus, everywhere I go lol.
I am truly on a unique journey. If you have been following me for sometime, you have notice the changes too. I’m writing more faith based post. Hopefully to encourage others in their walk. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and doing more events to reach the community. (Selling tee-shirts to raise money for these events. Putting my BFA in Fashion Design to good use..lol) I’m even venturing out with the type of worship music I listen too. SN: OMG- there is sooo much amazing music out there that truly glorifies God and makes you want to worship him ALL THE TIME! 🙂 It’s just been an adventure. One of my favorite pastors I follow, Cornelius Lindsey mentioned in Bible Study this week that we as Christians should talk about how much of an adventure it is to follow Christ. It really is. Not knowing all the bumps, curves, dips or the highs, rewards, joy etc. that will happen but having absolutely no fear because you know that Christ is with you is a real adventure. It’s Amazing.
So that is my personal update. As always guys…
Love Ya to Peace,