I’ve been debating on what to write about. I didn’t want to write another post about relationships, love etc. I kinda feel like I post a lot about that. But I figured, hey I’m in that part of my life where that’s the biggest pressure. RELATIONSHIP, LOVE, & MARRIAGE. So, here we go.
I feel very torn. On one hand you all know I want to be in love and get married, have a few babies, teach/grow my family, get old and then go home to be with my Savior. But if I can be totally honest with you guys, I also feel very “selfish” right now. I like not caring about someone else’s feelings. I like being able to just get up and go do what I want or stay home all day and do nothing. I feel free and unburdened (not that a relationship is a burden.. just some of the baggage that the person will come with) Speaking of baggage, I gave away mine to Jesus. I took his peace and I’m good with that. I guess when I think about it, I don’t want to jeopardize my new found peace and happiness. Of course, there is the other thing of me being ABSOLUTELY terrified of any form of intimacy. Hugs, kiss etc. (Yes, my vow of purity shall remain until my honeymoon)
At times I think that maybe this thing about marriage stems from family pressure and loneliness but then again, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I so want my babies. (and the only way for ME to get them is by marriage). Do you get my confusion??
You know what, as I’m writing this post out I’m reminded of Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct you ways.” I’m interjecting myself much farther than I need to be. I’m trying to much to be in control and thinking way too much. I’m getting in my own way or more importantly God’s way.
Ooooh boy, this trust thing is too real! I know God is Alpha and Omega. I know that he has plans to prosper me and to give me hope and a future. But actually, living it out day by day is tougher than I thought.
Well folks, keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for you.
P.S~ I cannot wait to be able to post about God’s blessing of love, marriage and family. ❤
Love Ya to Peace,