This week truly was a roller coaster for me. I struggled a lot with this vow of mine to focus on just God especially for this next year. I knew it would be challenging but I never thought I would have such a difficult time with it as I have.
Maybe the trigger was my birthday. Of course, everyone under the sun kept asking me, “When are you getting married?”, ” Do you have a boyfriend yet?” What happened? No one like you yet?” -____- Then surprise surprise, who pops back up but the last guy. I’m like really? This is how I usher in 27, huh? Satan, with his guns blazing in my weakest area.
The flip side to that is, I’m glad to say that I’ve grown spiritually. I’ve made the decision to keep on pushing on. I’ll admit most days I struggle to pray and haven’t really been reading and meditating on the Word. I find myself running from the legalities of Christianity. What I mean is, yes, we need to read and pray (formally) to God, but lately I’ve been finding myself heartbroken and desperate for him. I don’t necessarily have the time to kneel etc. I find myself just crying out, just talking aloud as if he were standing right next to me or I even just sit still and wait on him. I’ve grown to a level where I’m not sure how to go about things, where to go or what to say.
I’m going to try my best to explain this; I’m lost IN God. Meaning, I know that he wants me to do something but I’m not sure how, when, where, or why. I know the what and I’m fearful of it because I don’t have the full details. Hence, my being lost in God. But our father is too kool. He always send someone your way to either encourage you, confirm what he’s told you or course correct etc. I had a sister from my church write me a text randomly. It was truly random because I’m not that close to her. I see her and talk to her here and there. But she said she felt propelled by God to tell me to keep going and to keep growing. She confirmed that I am touching lives. (Even though I don’t really see it) I wanted to burst into tears. Like I said, I’ve been feeling so lost and discouraged. He sent her at just the right moment.
But, this week was not all bad. God has presented an opportunity for me that I am overly excited about. It’s still in the works, but you all will absolutely know once it is complete. And it will be completed because of Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
You guys, we really need to pray. I want us all to make it into heaven and hear those beautiful words from our Lord…”Well done thy good and faithful servant.” Ahh!! I get so happy and nervous when I think about that moment. But I want us to get there. So let’s pray hard.
Never forget! Never fear! You’re Never alone! Trust God.
Love ya to Peace,