This first week started off good. However, somehow it ended just badly. I think the toughest part of this journey is going to be reconditioning my thinking. I struggled with the thoughts of “why could he do this to me?” “this is the second time this has happened, what’s wrong with me?” “Maybe I’m not wife material” “why does this keep happening” “Can I ever trust someone again” “is this my life? to keep going through this pain and rejection?” In fact, these thoughts are so daunting that I decided I just had to write a day early (I’m supposed to post my updates on Fridays) I can already tell what next week’s struggle is going to be….ANGER.
I decided to look up and find scriptures on “self-worth”. There are many scriptures on this topic however 1 absolutely stood out to me.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
I think that this Word alone has multiple layers. The first is that we are his “workmanship” or masterpiece. I think about what one would consider a masterpiece to be. I believe that it is something that takes intention, dedication and effort. This layer depicts that God took his time to make us. He thought about us; our purpose, our looks, our characteristics etc. Secondly, he then created us in Christ Jesus. Christ is the only righteous one. He is the only way we can get back to God and have a close relationship with him. God even thought of a way for us to get back to him when we lose our way in advance. To say “for good works” to me is a bit redundant because all that comes from God is good, so that goes without saying. Lastly, and probably my favorite part, ” which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them”. I love this part because it again, reminds me that I’m not an afterthought. There is a purpose and a plan as to why I am here. God predestined a specific task and life for me. A GOOD one at that. Where I do good and live good.
There were multiple others that I also took to but I won’t break down right now. Although this week was tough. I keep reminding myself that God has a purpose for me, that all my characteristics are not in vain and useless. I do feel a sense of anger and frustration growing in me. I’m fighting as much and as hard as I can not to let it consume me. This next year is looking like a whirlwind of emotions. I pray there is an abundance of peace and joy in there somewhere.
Stay tuned for next week’s update to find out whats happening. As always, keep me in prayer and I will do the same for you.
Love Ya to Peace,
Dealing with being enough