I often ponder on God. I wonder about his works and his plans and his ways. I mostly have a million questions that I would ask when I get to heaven. I wonder how some people hear him and feel him vividly as if he were a man right next to us, and others think of him as a figment of their imagination? I think about the day I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior (08/26/2010) I remember it like so vividly. It was truly an outer body experience for me. Watching myself cry and not understanding why exactly why. Feeling so sorry and repenting for my ways. There was a guest preacher that night and during the alter call he stopped at me and whispered that if I let go of the person I was holding onto and trust God, God would bless me 100 folds. He understands that when I love, I love hard but I have to let go.” It was the continuation to a conversation I had been engaged in with God from the beginning of that week. I kept praying on it and asking God to please answer me, and he did. Another moment I had with God was when I sat in my car and questioned if I was doing the right thing in my life. If I was listening to God’s voice. I was worried and uncertain of God’s plan for me. Then as I sat quietly in my car, radio off and phone off, in complete silence. I clearly, as if someone were in the car with me, I heard God say; ” I will greatly bless you” I immediately started to cry.
I want to explain the tears and why I cried. I hope this makes sense to whomever read this. For anyone who has ever been close to the presence of God, there is a sorrowful feeling because we are sinners, unholy and un-pure. Why would a majestic, amazing, HOLY God see ME and Speak to ME!??? I fall short of his glory each and everyday, why would he lower himself to speak to me? The tears also come from joy. Joy that I have reached a level in my relationship with God that I not only hear his voice but Know that it is him.
I wonder does God laugh and smile? I know that this world is horrible and growing more wicked each day but there are some of us that truly try our very best to please him. Another big thing that I wonder is why can some of us hear and obey him and others hear and do not obey or just plain don’t hear him at all? I think about “church folks”. Many people spend years, decades going to church and never grasp God. They have no clue what he truly is like. They go based off the bible but never allow God to truly enter their everyday lives. How can that be? To hear and see this amazing God and not let him into your life. I know we all have issues and struggles. We all have difficulties that we face day to day, but why among all troubles some find their way to God and others know of the same God and still choose other ways?? How can I sit in a pew each week or see someone each week at church on Sunday and hear, see, feel God and the other person does not? How can one person receive and bare fruits of the spirit and someone else doesn’t? When we are singing praises and praying under the same roof, next to other another, are we not in communion with the same God? If you see that God has delivered someone from a situation similar to yours, would you not want to give your issue to God and have him do the same or more for you? Why do some people even go to church? Why do some people even ” preach”? Why does God bother to keep calling on folks that don’t answer or know its him calling and purposely reject him? Does God weep for us? Why and how does God continue to love us – all the world when we constantly prove to hate him?
I wonder about you God…