So I’m just gonna jump on in here today. I’ve stated before that, one of the reasons I started this blog was to show a glimpse into my Christian walk. The good, the bad and the ugly. So I will try to be completely honest and transparent. For the past few months, I haven’t been walking on the path of righteousness. I haven’t been obedient to God. In fact, I’ve deliberately disobeyed him. I’ve been on this slippery slop into things I should have left behind in my “worldly” life. Listening to the music that pollutes your mind. Being mean and nasty to people. Negative thought after negative thought. I haven’t being praying. (By praying, I mean actually having a conversation with God. Instead of just being repetitive out of habit.) I have this dark cloud looming over me.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
This morning I decided I was going to “hunt God”. I’m tired of the heaviness and depression. Its taking too much energy. I’ve been in God’s presence. I’ve experienced bliss. I’ve heard from God myself. There is no way I can not want that again. That peace is vital to my life. So today I woke up at 6am (and didn’t hit the snooze button) I fed on the Word and meditated on it. I prayed and God blessed me. He shed his mercy and grace on me. I felt God for the first time in a long time. Its like he was waiting on me. And I wept. Boy did I cry my heart out. I cried because I was so sorry. How could I turn from God? How could I, in the first battle, fall and stay down? I mean we trained for this right? God, told me time and time again, warning after warning. He gave me the battle plan and I had the nerve to do my own thing? Really, Faith? You gave away your finances that you cried out to God for, you cried out to God to prepare you for his best and you melt at the first sign of fire? You turn your back to God when you got burned,even though he warned you and is the one that still wants to heal you? HOW UNGRATEFUL!! HOW DARE YOU?!
After my morning meditation, I went about the day so blessed. Worship continued on the car ride to work. It continued during work and on the drive back home and even now as I write this post. Each time a negative thought or emotion tries to creep up, I shout Jesus or I sing a worship song. I try to keep my mind on Godly things. (Phil 4:8) Keep me and prayer and I will do the same for you all!
Love Ya to Peace,