I am so ashamed and tired really. I somehow without knowing it, moved from you. I need help Lord, for real.
I keep going back to Psalm 23. Kinda like its my life story. I feel like I’ve gone through the: The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me besides still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me on the path of righteousness for his name sake. At the beginning of the year God restored me to a place I never thought I could reach. I use to be so broken. But he fixed me and pieced me together and better. He lead me each day in paths that I certainly would not have gone or had the courage on my own to do and say. I wanted for nothing but more of God.
But that is just the beginning of the chapter. It goes on to say; Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. It seems I’ve landed myself in the valley and I’m trying everything to get out. Its harder in the valley to hear God, to feel him. Its more difficult to follow his direction. I’m struggling with the “shall fear no evil” part. And I certainly am feeling the rod of God right now (discipline). Imagine this; Its as if I have 90% of my body inside shelter but my leg is hanging out the door still in the storm. God is urging me to come in, all the way in but I just can’t seem to get my leg inside. Something has my leg and just won’t let loose. This valley has me struggling to pray, read the word and meditate on it. This valley has me anxious all the time. And we all know the Word clearly states: Be anxious in nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make your request known to God. (Phil 4:6)
See what I realize about the valley is that the Word hasn’t left or changed at all for me. However, my situations and difficulties that I face in the valley have created a barrier that holds off the Word from penetrating into my heart and changing my life. Have you ever been driving in a car on a long journey and the music is playing in the background. You hear it and even mouth some of the words but you just don’t feel it. Its like your just on autopilot. That is what the valley seems to be for me- autopilot. Just going, going without any weight or substance. BUT! Thank God for the Holy Spirit. Gosh, the Holy Spirit does some dirty work, man. It is he that convicts me and let me know, Hey- thats not right or Umm do this instead. It is the Holy Spirit that constantly nudges me and sends alarms blaring like HELLO!!! YOU AREN’T SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH GOD! YOU NEED TO REFUEL. YOU’RE RUNNING ON FUMES.
Ya’ll know how we young people do..lol.. we’ve all rode past every gas station to get to where we are going while our gas light is on and the needle is waaaayyy past E. SMH!! Just to get to our destination and the car stops or can’t start back up to get us to the next place.
I’m praying for a renewed Zeal for God. Pray with me guys! Pray that WE make it through our valleys.
Love Ya to Peace,