I’ve been with my ex again. I know, I know. Don’t stone me just yet. No, not intimately Thank God! I will keep my vow of purity until whenever God tells me otherwise. I say that because. I’m convinced now more than ever that I will probably be single forever. I mean let’s think about this, yes. There are more women than men in the world. And the Word said that it is not good for MAN to be alone (Gen 2:8). He did not say anything about women. And then further down the line, the Apostle Paul even says that it is better to be single (1 Cor 7:8). So I’m convinced. I need to just pack up my hopes and dreams of being a wife. Now I am keeping the dream alive of being a mother because I’ve always had a heart for adoption. So I’ll still be able to keep my vow of purity and help babies of the world. Win/Win!
So back to my ex. So I’m gonna be very transparent here you guys. I allowed him back into my life and for the first month is was perfect. I thought Wow, my prayers have been answered. He’s changed. Opening doors, Pulling out chairs, Listening to me. But the mask was only temporary and it quickly fell off. The attitude, the inconsistency and even added on lying. I even felt myself changing a bit as well. I’ve become less patient and angry. I feel less zeal in my relationship with God because I’ve been consumed with fighting the one with my ex. I heard God tell me in so many ways to let go. But I haven’t.
I’m just like C’mon, God…Really??!!?!! Again, I have to let go again. Go through the broken heart again? What? all the pieces weren’t broken enough? They needed to be shattered? I’m still struggling to let go completely. Let’s just say its been a rough couple of months. I’m beat. I don’t know what part of the game is this but God I’m ready for it to be over with.
Am I crazy? Have y’all had this struggle with the Lord? Cause I feel all out of whack. I’m fighting to get back on track with God and at the same time trying to figure out how to go about this thing with my ex. Guys?
Love Ya to Peace,