C’mon God… REALLY??!?!!??

I’ve been with my ex again. I know, I know. Don’t stone me just yet.  No, not intimately Thank God! I will keep my vow of purity until whenever God tells me otherwise. I say that because. I’m convinced now more than ever that I will probably be single forever. I mean let’s think about this, yes. There are more women than men in the world. And the Word said that it is not good for MAN to be alone (Gen 2:8). He did not say anything about women. And then further down the line, the Apostle Paul even says that it is better to be single (1 Cor 7:8). So I’m convinced. I need to just pack up my hopes and dreams of being a wife. Now I am keeping the dream alive of being a mother because I’ve always had a heart for adoption. So I’ll still be able to keep my vow of purity and help babies of the world. Win/Win!

So back to my ex. So I’m gonna be very transparent here you guys. I allowed him back into my life and for the first month is was perfect. I thought Wow, my prayers have been answered. He’s changed. Opening doors, Pulling out chairs, Listening to me. But the mask was only temporary and it quickly fell off. The attitude, the inconsistency and even added on lying. I even felt myself changing a bit as well. I’ve become less patient and angry. I feel less zeal in my relationship with God because I’ve been consumed with fighting the one with my ex. I heard God tell me in so many ways to let go. But I haven’t.

I’m just like C’mon, God…Really??!!?!! Again, I have to let go again. Go through the broken heart again? What? all the pieces weren’t broken enough? They needed to be shattered? I’m still struggling to let go completely. Let’s just say its been a rough couple of months. I’m beat. I don’t know what part of the game is this but God I’m ready for it to be over with.

Am I crazy? Have y’all had this struggle with the Lord? Cause I feel all out of whack. I’m fighting to get back on track with God and at the same time trying to figure out how to go about this thing with my ex. Guys?

Love Ya to Peace,

Faith. Loves

3 thoughts on “C’mon God… REALLY??!?!!??

  1. You have your journey on this blog, read it and then come back to this and evaluate for yourself. I am not one of those mushy people and I like to give it straight. So here goes. From reading your past posts it did not seem like you let it go at all. It is one thing to talk about a past relationship and one thing to linger on it. It was almost as if being born again meant God was going to fix him or you were going to get your husband. I could be wrong but that is the way it came across to me. You returned to someone that hurt you and caused the spirit of God to leave you. That should be enough to scare you and enough to let you go. I have never had this struggle with men and relationships partly because it wasn’t something I was desperate for. Wrong word. It wasn’t something I was willing to comprise my happiness for. But I have had other things happen to me after baptism. I for one knew automatically it was the devil and I went to my prayer warriors because I knew I was not strong enough and needed help. Many people often question God like you have “I’m just like C’mon, God…Really??!!?!! ” Like my grandma used to say, God ain’t in sweetie. You made a choice because you have a hole. Not sure you are waiting on God. My apologies if this sounds too harsh, let me know and I will adjust. My prayer for you is to find strength and discernment.

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    1. Hi- So you are 50% right and 50% wrong. I don’t think I’m lingering on it. Its just the situation(s) I’m in right now. Its the one area I have the most trouble in. Its my weak area where my faith tends to waiver. So that’s why it seems like I’m “on it all the time”. When I got baptized I didn’t even think I would leave him to begin with. That wasn’t something on my list. But God saw it fit for me to go through a season without him and experience all the joy that I did. A season of just me and God for months without any distractions. I like to think of the months after my baptism as a course in how to manage life. I learned so much and now its the first quiz. I’ll admit, I’m not doing so good on it though. But the Holy Spirit is helping me through it. Now you are absolutely correct, it is the devil that is plotting to get me to leave Gods side. I recognize that and I’m actively trying to resist. Everyone battles different demons. This so happens to be mine. I am believing God for a husband because that’s part of what I would like in life ( husband and family) among other things.
      Oh and I do believe God will eventually change my ex when the time is right. Not for me but for Gods glory. I don’t want to harbor any bitterness or hate towards him, I do pray he becomes a great man I know he can be. When I love, I love hard and I’m learning how to manage that. IDK its just the way God made me.

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