My morning drives are my special time with God. The 40 to 45 mins I have are uninterrupted and it is just me and God. I have been struggling with one particular area of my life which lead me to question; Why do I trust God with every area of my life except for love? Is it possible to have faith in one thing and not the other?
I have unshaken faith that God will protect me and my family and that he will provide for us as well. I’ve been praying on a breakthrough regarding advancing in my career and completing my Masters in Communication. I believe without a doubt that he will make a way for me. See for things like that I am able to pray and quote scripture in a heartbeat over. However, love? That is another ball game. So in my conversation with the Lord he said to me. That is the area you are most vulnerable in and the area you have left unguarded. Love is the area that I bend and sway so easily in. The conversation went further as I spoke to God about my current situation with my ex. And I said to God; well God, I left the first time and he came back. He wasn’t suppose to come back. God said, its like a thief that steals a prize or a good thing. Why would the thief give back the good thing he has found? A thief would never take trash, a useless thing or something that he has already. He goes for the jewel or the irreplaceable thing. So of course this guy would come back. It does not mean that you belong to him, he just knows your value and isn’t willing to pay the price for you. So you in turn should not give yourself so freely. YOU need to realize YOUR worth and guard yourself accordingly.
I would never leave a million dollars or the keys to my luxury car out there for any random person to take. I would keep my million in the bank or a safe. My car keys would be on me at all times and my car alarmed and in a secure garage. Why then, do I leave my heart out there for anyone to come and take it?
The past 5 months, I have been so happy and I thought I gave God all of my heart but this last month proved otherwise. I had only scratched the surface of trusting God with my whole heart. Just as I was about to dive in, the devil sent his agent to distract me with the little love I had left for him. Now I’m here and I can hear God shouting- Daughter, this is not where you should be. Get out of there! But getting out is not so easy when your heart is tied to someone thats not for you. Leaving it behind is more difficult than anyone can imagine. However, it something I will have to do.
SN: This is kind of the second time I’m dealing with this type of situation. God, what part of the lesson am I missing? I cannot take this again God. I just wanna serve you and be loved.
Guys, this is real life. I’m working on writing out what I’ve been dealing with the past month but I am embarassed and ashamed. But when I started this blog, I said I wanted to write out my story in the hopes that some other girl will take a better path and be spared some heartache and pain. So I will do my best to muster up courage to post it all. Pray for me loves and I will continue to do the same for you.
Love Ya to Peace,